April 18, 2008

Barack Antoinette

This piece of brilliance by Mike Lester, via Cagle. Click to enlarge.

Posted by: Sapphocrat

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March 17, 2008

Cagle Nails Obama-Wright

Cagle.com

Posted by: Sapphocrat

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Permalink | Trackback | Category: Barack Obama, Christianity, Election 2008, Hate Speech, Humor, Jeremiah Wright, Race/Ethnic Issues, Religion & Spirituality

February 15, 2008

Straight people need to stop being so angry and get over their issues or they’ll never get justice.

readmoreoften graciously allowed us to post this here.

I’ve been trying to help the Straight community for a long time. The Whites and the Men, too. I totally believe that you are equal. After some soul-searching introspection, I have come to this realization. But I want you to tell you: you must learn to be patient. You Straights have to stop being so angry. It’s a real turn-off to those of us who are trying to help you and give you your equality. Not all of us are out to “get” you. I want to tell you a beautiful story about a Straight couple I saw today at the grocery store:

So I was at the grocery store in the produce aisle with my kids in the cart and I saw a straight couple. They weren’t obvious about it, but I could tell they were straights. They weren’t “doin’ the nasty” (tee hee) or anything like that or even holding hands, but it was totally obvious they were straight. I mean, you know, you see a man and a woman shopping together and you kind of assume… They were standing really close to each other and you could feel the tension between them. I don’t mean sexual tension, I mean, like, emotional tension, like they were a real couple that cared about one another just as if they were regular people.

Well, the other folks in my town were looking at them funny. So many old-fashioned types, it’s to be expected. Even though they tend to be opposed to the idea of thriving heterosexual families, the people in town are good, moral people mostly. I saw my auto mechanic, Harriet, and she seemed a little uncomfortable by the presence of two straights, but she didn’t say anything. (And I know Harriet is the type who rushes out to vote on every anti-straight piece of legislation she can get her hands on!) It’s true, some people were moving their children away from the couple, but you know how people get overprotective with children. I stayed right where I was, though. I wasn’t worried in the least. Why should I be concerned if my daughter sees two straights in the grocery store? Who cares! Get over it, right! But I think people were understandably nervous that the couple might kiss orthe man might put his arm around the woman and then their kids would be really confused. I always tell my friends–what do you care if your kids find out about heterosexuality?! It’s not like you can catch it! They’re probably born that way! I’m sure that you straights, of all people, understand, though, why some people wouldn’t want their kids to be straight, given all the prejudices that people have about straights in society and all the injustices that you’ve suffered. I’m sure you wouldn’t want your kids to be straight either! I’m sure if there was a cure, you’d take it! You weren’t asked to be born that way.

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS the straight couple just bought their vegetables and left the store quickly and without incident. It was no big deal! No one bashed them or called them names or anything! People didn’t even stare too much. So much productive has come of this, I’m sure of it. The straight couple must know that they are welcome in our community. And as for the rest of the people in my town, I think they learned a lesson too. They learned that if you see a pot-bellied, middle aged man and his salt-and-pepper haired female lover/partner/whatever, they’re not going to throw down and have kinky sex in front of your kids! She’s not going to start giving him a blow job like in the porn mags and he’s not going to start doing her in the rump right there in the grocery store for all to see! It just doesn’t happen.

So that’s my message to you Straights out there who think that all the rest of us are out to get you. Relax. We’re on your side. Most people these days believe that what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is nobody’s business.

But you need to stop being so angry. Nobody is going to tell their politicians to give rights to angry people. And you should probably lower your sights, too. You have to be realistic. Heterosexuality is simply against some people’s religion. When you go to the grocery store, you’re going to get nasty looks from little old trannies and they might call you filthy sinners and so forth. Everyone isn’t going to always like you–you have to accept that. Everybody doesn’t like me and I accept it! Not all your landlords are going to accept that you’re straight. Not all your bosses are going to be okay with it either and you might get fired. But really, if you think about it, how is your boss going to know you’re straight? What? Are you planning on having sex on your desk! JK-(yes, I know, all straights are not sex-obsessed freaks who get drunk and spank each other at the holiday office party and go home and have penile-vaginal intercourse and cheat on one another! That’s just a stereotype!)

But seriously. You people need to start courting us or we’ll be less inclined to fight for your equality. A lot of times, we’re just trying to help you, but you just won’t listen to us. And how can we help you, if you don’t listen? Give us a break, okay? We’re your friends. We totally understand and we’re right here to give you a hand up!

Peace!!!!!

Posted by: Buffy

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Permalink | Trackback | Category: Guest Articles, Heterosexuality, Homophobia, Humor

January 12, 2008

How we missed Bill Maher’s spot-on picks…

…for Dickheads of the Year (Maher’s “picks for the biggest assholes of 2007″), we’ll never know. But Maher is so spot-on, and entertaining, it’s a must-see (and a must-pass-along). A few of our favorite lines:

Blackwater despot Erik Prince: “…a super-Christy Jesus freak who looks on the Crusades the way rednecks pine for the Confederacy.”

Crandall Canyon Mine owner Bob Murray: “The fat-ass, lying embodiment of the Bush administration’s regulatory policies.”

Senator Larry “Wide Stance” Craig: “Don’t people like Larry Craig and Ted Haggard and Mark Foley prove that being gay really is a hard-wired thing — not, as the conservatives always claim, a ‘lifestyle choice‘? If anyone could choose not to have gay sex, it would be these guys, since their whole careers are built on not having gay sex.”

Senator David Vitter, diaper-wearing hooker’s john: “Caught dead to rights as a customer of the D.C. Madam, and explained it away by saying, ‘Several years ago I received forgiveness from God in confession.’ Oh, well, all righty then, it’s all good, then you’re obviously not a disgusting, horrible hypocrite who runs on family values and then fucks whores at home and in Washington.”

College Republicans: “…cutthroat, amoral putzes like Karl Rove… Doughy losers who, at age twenty, care more about tax cuts than girls.”

Bush’s Attorney General du jour, Michael Mukasey: “Kind of makes you miss those innocent days when Gonzales just couldn’t recall.”

Rudy Giuliani: “Rudy says if a Democrat is elected in 2008, we’ll be at risk of another 9/11, because… he was mayor of New York when they attacked the World Trade Center the first time? His slogan should be ‘Not on my watch… again.’”

Much, much more at the link, and well worth the click.

Posted by: Sapphocrat

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Permalink | Trackback | Category: Celebrities, David Vitter, Democrats, Gay Republicans, George W. Bush, Humor, Karl Rove, Larry Craig, Radical Religious Right, Republican Sexcapades, Republicans, September 11

October 19, 2007

McCain Pushes To Put Jesus On Dollar Bill

We’ve just discovered CAP News:

Republican Presidential candidate John McCain today called upon the United States to pay homage to its alleged Christian roots by replacing George Washington on the $1 bill with a more appropriate image, that of Jesus Christ.

The plea surprised some political analysts, who had assumed that McCain’s reference to the U.S. as a ‘Christian nation’ in a recent Beliefnet interview was nothing more than pandering to the base.

. . .

While critics were quick to quietly question McCain’s motives and the costs associated with such a massive overhaul of the nation’s most popular currency bill, McCain’s fellow Republican Presidential candidates were left scrambling to one-up the senator with their own monetary proposals.

The race’s only Mormon, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney, said he would put a smiling Jesus on multiple bills, noting, “I want to see the same thing when I open my wallet as I do when I open my bedroom door: many smiling faces.”

For former New York mayor and terrorism-survivor Rudy Giuliani, Jesus would only adorn the $20 bill.

“What is 20? 9+11. Need I say more?” Giuliani said.

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Posted by: Sapphocrat

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