November 19, 2008
Mormon Lesson of the Day: Forget the Milk — Let’s Skip Right to the Meat
Before this election, most non-members knew very little about the Mormon Church outside of the Word of Wisdom and its history of polygamy. However, during this election, the casual viewer of popular message boards will learn many false rumors about the Mormon Church. However, they can also learn many of the somewhat secret truths that the Mormon Church doesn’t publicize. Even long-time members may be learning some of the controversial aspects of Mormon history for the first time. — Ben, Encino, CA |
The concept of milk before meat is meant to teach people about the easy to believe, and easy to understand Mormon doctrine (milk) before they are baptized, and then give them the hard to believe and understand (meat) after they have already made the commitment to the church.People taking lessons from Mormon Missionaries are not taught about how the translation of the Book of Mormon happened, Kolob, Temple Garments, and many other things until after they have been dunked.
— WindySydney
Milk Before Meat
List of Meats The events surrounding the Tower of Babel actually did happen. Until then, everyone spoke the Adamic language. And when the tower was built, a group of faithful people (who had prayed to have their language preserved) fled to the Americas and crossed the Atlantic in supersonic submarines with windows and shining stones. These were the Jaredites. (See Book of Ether in the Book of Mormon.) But they were all killed, just like the white Nephites, and that is why we don’t have any traces of their civilization, or any white descendants among the native populations of the Americas. (Only the descendants of the cursed group, the Lamanites, who did not pay tithing or live the Word of Wisdom or the Law of Chastity, so they ceased to be white and delightsome and became brown as Cain.)
All the structure, practices and rituals that exist today in the Mormon Church have existed since Adam. Baptism, for example. Adam was baptized, just like any Mormon today, by immersion. The Spirit dunked him in the water, and then brought him back to the surface. [”Pearl of Great Price”] …
The scriptures and leaders say that we will have to wait until the Final Judgement in order to be assigned a kingdom of glory. Till then, every one is waiting, either in Paradise or in the Spirit Prison. However, Doctrine and Convenants says that Abraham, Isaac and Jacob are already gods. And I have already heard leaders say that Joseph Smith has also become a god already. Maybe they sneaked their way in.
Families are sealed forever, and parents take great pride in the fact that their children are sealed to them. But eventually each child will also become a god in another planet, and there will be no such thing as a parent-child relationship as we have today. Every “worthy” member will be a god in some different universe. …
Men cannot get to the highest degree of glory alone, and neither can women. Marriage is essential. Bachelors and spinsters will be damned and will eternally burn in a lake of fire and brimstone, where there is weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. Oh, but spinsters will be shown some mercy. If they pay their tithings and abstain from cappuccinos until their last breath in mortality, the Lard will be kind enough to give them a man in the afterlife - but she will be just one of many wives of this faithful stud. (One more pearl in his crown.) As for bachelors, they did not honor their penishood, so they will have to scrub heavenly toilets, sweep celestial floors and take out Kolobian garbage for the rest of the eternities. If they are gifted enough, they might be allowed to play the trumpet to praise and honor the ones who actually married forty wives and now seat in thrones of glory. (Or are lying in celestial beds having sex in order to populate worlds with spirit children.)
Everyone will be resurrected. Everyone will have a perfect body for the rest of eternity, whether they end up in the celestial kingdom or elsewhere. So those who eventually become gods will have physical bodies and will have actual sex in order to make spirit babies to populate their planets. So a man and a woman will have physical sex, and the woman will get pregnant, but the child will actually be a spirit. After nine months expecting her little ghost, the ethereal baby is born and starts standing in line to be sent to some planet in order to finally get a physical body. This ghost has to wait until another couple in some planet has sex so he can again enter a womb. And the story goes on.
The Church is so family-oriented!!! But if you don’t pay one of tenth of your income, do not give up your Coca-cola [in some areas] or do not stop playing with yourself, you won’t be able to attend the wedding of a sibling or a child in the holy temple. And the only way to ever see your family again in the afterlife is to pay, pray and obey until the end. Any minor mistake, and you are alone for ever.
Even if science shows the existence of hermaphrodites, transexuals, bisexuals and homosexuals (and even common sense just cannot deny it), there is no such thing according to Church doctrine. Gender was assigned since the pre-existence, and there are no mistakes whatsoever about it. (See the Proclamation on the Family.) People in the world can be born with all shades of hair color, skin color and eye color, all heights and weights, all kinds of differences (left-handedness, colorblindness), physical problems and disabilities (blindness, deafness, inability to walk, Down syndrome, all kinds of mental disabilities), but in gender there is no exception and no diversity at all. You are either a boy (who obviously is supposed to like girls) or a girl (who is obviously supposed to like boys). God would NEVER make a mistake about it…
. . .
Although leaders do not want to talk about it, they do admit that there is a Heavenly Mother. Maybe the reason why they do not want to talk about it is because actually there are thousands of Heavenly Mothers!!!! After all, God, being an exalted man, is worthy enough to have hundreds of wives. So the human race has hundreds, thousands or maybe millions of heavenly mothers, depending on the horniness of their polygamous god.
Joseph Smith saw God the Father, Jesus Christ, and received dozens of other angelic visits (Moses, Elijah, Peter, James, John, John the Baptist, etc) But in order to “translate” the Book of Mormon, he still needed to resort to magical devices (a kind of 19th century crystal ball) and to wear a breastplate with supernatural powers.
The golden plates were written by Jews who had fled to the American continent and spoke and wrote in Reformed Egyptian fluently, even after centuries and centuries of isolation. Not only were they prophets, but they were all experienced linguists and goldsmiths. Plus, the golden plates, upon which earthly prophets had carved inspired messages for thousands of years, lay hidden in Cumorah for over a thousand years. But then, for some reason, the Lard decided to send an angel to take them back in his wings and hie to Kolob.
Joseph Smith really did not want to start polygamy, but a powerful angel with a sword threatened him and made him do it.
More at the link — including:
• Magic underwear;
• The secret password and handshake to get into Heaven;
• God’s planet near the star Kolob;
• Baptism of the dead;
• How God used to be an actual flesh-and-bones man, and how He had actual sex with Mary;
• How the Holy Ghost isn’t part of the Holy Trinity, which doesn’t exist;
• How all other religions are of the Devil;
• People live on the sun and the moon;
• Dinosaur fossils = Satan’s trickery;
• The world began and will end in Missouri;
• God speaks English;
• Jesus was married with children (lots and lots of children);
• Jesus and the Apostles wore green aprons and baker’s hats;
• The gravity-defying city of Enoch;
• How God’s laws never change, until the current LDS President says they do;
• and much more!
Tweet This Post! 
Filed Under: California, LDS/Mormons, Marriage, Polygamy & Polyamory, Proposition 8, Radical Religious Right
