April 13, 2008

David and Beecher: A Memoir of Love, Madness & Anti-Gay Hate

by David Alexander Nahmod

Addendeum, April 16, 2008: I will repeat what I have written to everyone who has commented on this story:

The reason we published David’s story is that it is representative of a much larger issue affecting the LGBT community as a whole: the wall between straight and gay — and the question of whether or not this story, or any like it, would have occurred, or turned out differently, if the couple had been heterosexual. That’s not for me to judge — but the question is worth putting out there, just to make people think about that larger issue.

Additionally: If you have a concern about any of the specifics of this article, you should contact David directly — his email address is at the end of the article.

At the same time, if you send a comment on this story, and do not provide a valid email address, your comment will simply be forwarded to David, and that will be the end of our communication with you.

As it says at the top of the LavenderLiberal.com Terms of Service and Privacy Policy:

You won’t hold us (that’s the royal “us”) accountable if you find something you don’t agree with, or don’t like, or something that doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to.

And as it says in the very last line:

If you don’t agree with all of the above, then please go somewhere else.

From Sapph: There are countless stories from the frontlines of the neverending “culture wars” that, for one reason or another, will never be told; David Nahmod’s is, tragically, representative of millions you will never hear.

Bear in mind that this is not just one man’s story; it is a clarion call for all of us:

For the body is not one member, but many.

And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.

— 1 Corinthians 12:14, 26

We salute David for his courage and tenacity in getting his and Beecher’s story out there — and we’ll keep you, as David keeps us, updated.

For the past three years, my former partner, Beecher Goodwin, has lived with Kathryn Rock and Stephen Polich. Kathryn and Stephen are a straight conservative couple in Surprise, Arizona.

Kathryn Rock is the reason Beecher and I are no longer together. Starting in 2001, when she lived up the street from us in Hoboken, New Jersey, she plotted to destroy our relationship. She bragged about this. Her new husband, Stephen, whom I’ve never met or spoken too, was only too happy to assist her. Beecher’s own siblings, Harold and Laura Goodwin, both born-again Christians who say they don’t want him to be gay, also took part in this. His cousin, Donna Cifaldi, became the final participant.

What these people, who claim to “love” Beecher, did to get us out of each other’s lives, what they turned Beecher into, is unimaginably evil.

My relationship with Beecher was always a little “edgy.” Beecher is a severe manic depressive, while I’ve battled a minor case of the same affliction. Beecher is also dyslexic, and borderline illiterate. He suffers memory losses. He’s on SSI. He was easy prey for a sociopath like Kathryn Rock.

Beecher and I met in August, 1999. One year later, we moved in together. Though our afflictions created problems, we were relatively happy. We took care of each other. We were a comfort to each other. People who knew us then thought we were charming together.

Things began to change in late 2001, when he met Kathryn Rock. Almost instantly, she was his best friend, above all others. Soon after, Beecher and I began to fight constantly. Suddenly, we were always angry. We became uncomfortable around each other. In 2003, we moved to San Francisco and completely stopped having sex. I loved him with all my heart, yet I couldn’t bare the thought of touching him anymore. At the time, I had no idea what was causing this. Because in spite of all the problems we still claimed to love each other deeply. I suspect we still do.

When Beecher left, in February, 2005, we were barely speaking, and glad to be rid of each other. Kathryn Rock was now living in Arizona with her new husband Stephen. They came to San Francisco to get him, to “rescue” him from me.

Soon after, I had occasion to speak to Rene, Kathryn’s landlord back in Hoboken, and to Mrs. Luttrell, Kathryn’s former mother-in-law. Both of them told me that Rock had been plotting our breakup for years.

“Oh, David, Kathy does not like you,” said Rene. “She said she was going to get you and get Beecher away from you.”

What Mrs. Luttrell had to say was even more disturbing. “I met Beecher at Kathy and Will’s house in New Jersey,” she recalled. “That Beecher, he’d believe anything anyone told him. Is he a retard? That’s what Kathy told us about him.”

Mrs. Luttrell told me that she personally witnessed Kathryn Rock planting negative thoughts about me into Beecher’s head, using standard tried and true brainwashing techniques. Several therapists have since told me that this is a relatively easy thing to do to a person suffering from mental illness, as Beecher is.

Mrs. Luttrell went on to tell me about how Kathryn caused similar problems for several members of their family. It turned out that Kathryn moved in with Stephen Polich only four days after splitting up with Will Luttrell. Kathryn lied to Will about the new relationship — she wanted Will to continue sending her palimony.

What shocked me even more is when I found out that Kathryn had admitted to Beecher’ sister, Laura Goodwin, that she was deliberately causing trouble between us. Six months before we broke up, Kathryn told Laura: “I’m going to get Beecher out of there no matter what I have to do.” Laura remained silent…

That Laura could allow this to be done to her own brother’s relationship defies all laws of logic and decency. But by her own admission, Laura Goodwin is a Christian who thinks homosexuality is wrong.

During our final year together, Beecher suffered from severe headaches and anxiety attacks. The pain he was in was excruciating. Toward the end, he told me he needed to leave “so the headaches will stop.” As soon as he moved into the Polich/Rock household, the headaches indeed stopped. I now realize that Kathryn’s brainwashing were the cause of those attacks. Kathryn Rock hurt Beecher on purpose so she could pretend to “rescue” him from me. Beecher’s own sister supported this.

In spite of all the evil and ugliness that Kathryn Rock instigated, I was, at one point, ready to let it go. I spoke to him on the phone a few times, and he seemed happy there. I hadn’t seen him happy in years. More than anything, I wanted him to be happy. I decided to let him go and forget him.

Then a letter from his life insurance company showed up in my mailbox. I forwarded it to the address in Surprise.

Kathryn Rock returned the letter to me, in a hand-addressed envelope with her return address label on it. (I still have this.)

I called his sister Laura, mistaken in my belief that she’d want him to get his mail.

In May, 2006, I received an ugly piece of hate mail; I still have it. Beecher claimed he was living in a Spanish villa with his wealthy new lover. I needed to get over him, he said. I needed to stop harassing his family about getting back together with him. He clearly did not know about the mail I had for him.

I wonder if Beecher fully understood everything that was in that ridiculous letter. He can barely read and write. He cannot operate a computer, yet the letter was computer generated. When I finally spoke to him, nearly a year later, he admitted that Kathryn Rock wrote that letter “for him.”

I asked him what it said. He wasn’t sure.

During that year, Beecher got more mail at my address. When I emailed Stephen Polich and asked him to step aside so I could forward the mail, Stephen responded with abuse and taunts. He actually told me not to send the mail, claiming to speak for Beecher. He also told me he would not deliver messages I had for Beecher from people other than myself. Stephen now claims he said no such things, but I still have his original emails on file.

I called Harold Goodwin, Beecher’s brother, and told him about the mail. “I’m not going to do anything about it,” was the response. This was followed by a lecture about Jesus, during which Harold told me that it was wrong for Beecher to be gay.

I called Beecher’s cousin, Donna Cifaldi, who claims to not be homophobic. I had actually met Donna once, and I though we had gotten along well.

I told Donna what was going on. “Can I send the mail to you, so you can send them to him? So he’ll get his mail. So it’ll be over.”

In an email that I still have, Donna refused to forward the mail. She accused me of holding the mail “hostage” as a ploy to get back together with him.

Finally, after a year of this insanity, my friend Joe wrote Beecher a letter and asked for a return call. Neither of us had a number for him. Beecher called him, and Joe told him about the mail.

Joe called me. “That guy is being brainwashed.” Joe said. “He went on and on about things that happened between you years ago. He kept repeating himself over and over. He’s being told that you’re harassing his family.”

It was April, 2007. I had stopped contacting his family nine months earlier. But according to Joe, Beecher thought I was still calling them, because that’s what he was told. Joe described Beecher as being in a “rage.”

“Did he know about the mail?” I asked.

“No,” said Joe. “It was clear that I was the first one to tell him about this.”

Two days later, I got a handwritten note from Beecher, which I still have. After chastising me for “bothering” his family, he wrote, “Yes I do need to get my mail.” Confirmed was what I already knew: none of these bastards were speaking for Beecher. They spoke only for themselves.

There was more evil to come. In late August, 2007, Beecher called and asked if I still had a vase he’d left here. I did. Would I send it to his son Sean?

“I don’t know where Sean lives these days,” I said.

“Send it to my ex-wife’s house. He’ll get it.”

I was happy to comply. Sean and Scott are good kids. They had nothing to do with all the ugliness that had gone on. I sent the vase, and sent a check for the financially strapped Scott.

On October 15, 2007, I got a very sweet thank-you card from Beecher, which I still have. He thanked me for sending his boys these items.

A few days later, I was served with a restraining order, also signed by Beecher — on October 15, 2007. He signed the Order of Protection on the same day he sent that card! What’s wrong with this picture?

On December 3, 2007, I attended a hearing at the Hassayampa Justice Court in Surprise, Arizona, Case #CC2007 2031 68000, Judge Chris Mueller presiding. At the hearing, a confused Beecher fought tears when it was revealed that he did not know that the Order he signed said I was a physical threat to him and his children. The Order was “prepared for him,” he said.

Kathryn Rock sat in the back row of the Court, smirking. Judge Mueller threw the order out. Beecher now says that Judge Mueller is “an asshole” who refused to listen to him.

All these lies, all this hate, was instigated by straight conservatives to destroy a gay relationship they disapproved of. Beecher’s disabilities, and, to a lesser extent, my milder form of manic depression, were the tools they used to get what they wanted.

Rev. Gerry Brague, pastor of Chalice Christian Church in San Carlos, California, tells me that their actions go against the teachings of Scripture.

If you asked Beecher today what he thought of me, he’d express disgust. “I want nothing to do with David,” he says.

But twice in the last year, Beecher called me around 4:00 a.m. and left me sexually graphic voicemails. He has no memory of doing this, yet I still have both voicemails archived in my phone.

I suspect that these voicemails are Beecher’s true self struggling to get out from beneath the brainwashing. They stand as a disturbing testament to the emotional harm done to him by Kathryn Rock and Stephen Polich.

Rock and Polich don’t care. Neither do Harold and Laura Goodwin or Donna Cifaldi. They all got what they wanted. Beecher, aged 51, still lives with Kathryn Rock and Stephen Polich. He is older than they, yet he lives as though he were one of their children.

This horror story is all true. I have the documents on file to prove it. What happened to me and Beecher, what was deliberately done to us, stands as a stunning example of why we need gay marriage. Marriage equality would offer gay couples legal protections from predators like Rock and Polich.

More importantly, we need to protect the mentally ill in our community, and we’re not doing that.

For me, this matter will end when the actions of Kathryn Rock and Stephen Polich become a national news story. What they did, using another person’s mental illness as a control device, needs to be criminalized.

I love you, Beecher.

David Alexander Nahmod is a freelance writer in San Francisco. He contributes regularly to four gay publications: The Bay Area Reporter, (San Francisco) ON Magazine (San Jose, CA), Express Gay News (Florida), and The Washington Blade (Washington, D.C.). He also writes DVD reviews for Videoscope, Scary Monsters and Penny Blood Magazines.

He has begun work on his first book, which will detail the entire David and Beecher story.

Email him at: DavidBeecher1956@webtv.net

Posted by: Sapphocrat

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