March 31, 2008

Normally, we’d feel sorry for Robert and Ralph…

…and we do — but at the same time, we don’t. Find out why after you read this:

Gay couple loses benefits with move

What they didn’t know before moving to Idaho could fill a house, and in many ways it does.

The kitchen table holds stacks of legal papers. Medication bottles litter a nearby countertop. The two-story home Robert Ryan, 42, shares with his partner, Ralph Martinelli, 53, overlooks a quaint suburb west of Boise, a rural landscape of ruddy hills that doesn’t seem quite as welcoming as it once did.

A 2,400-mile move west once seemed like a chance at a fresh start, has instead it has delivered some hard lessons, especially about moving from a state that recognizes same-sex unions to one of the 21 states that don’t.

The couple was stunned when Ryan was dropped from the company insurance plan the two shared in New Jersey, where they were able to register as domestic partners. Idaho does not formally recognize same-sex couples.

“It didn’t even dawn on us that this would have an impact,” Ryan said. …

[Ryan] was dropped from the policy last October, shortly after the Konica Minolta company found the couple had moved to Idaho, where they couldn’t register as domestic partners. In 2006, 63 percent of Idaho voters approved a constitutional amendment defining marriage as the union of of a man and a woman, effectively outlawing same-sex unions.

Martinelli is still covered by a COBRA policy through the company. Ryan now pays $650 a month for a separate COBRA insurance policy that will expire in March 2009.

“It’s ridiculous,” Ryan said. “It’d be like a married couple being forced to get remarried every time they moved.” …

“We fell in love with the area, we love Idaho,” Martinelli said. “But here it is 2008 and people are still being discriminated against.”

FFS, what did you expect, guys? I’m sorry it didn’t “dawn on you” before you moved from the Near-Queer-Paradise of New Jersey to the most gay-hating state this side of Virginia, but, frankly, it’s your own darn fault you failed to inform yourselves of the repercussions first.

There’s something called the Internet, guys — and it would have taken you all of two seconds to Google gay + rights + idaho, and find out… Welll, let’s see what happens when we Google gay + rights + idaho:

Idaho Gay Rights - The Fight for Gay Rights in Idaho
Idaho already bans gay marriage. What other restrictions is Idaho trying to pass against gays and lesbians?
lesbianlife.about.com/od/lesbianactivism/a/IdahoGayRts.htm - 22k - Cached - Similar pages - Note this

First hit. Gee, that was real hard to find.

Coldhearted? Nope. Just ticked off at yet another example of fellow gay people who don’t even know what rights they don’t have — and don’t care until they’re the ones smacked by the Big Anti-Gay Stick.

How do I know Ryan and Martinelli don’t care about LGBT equality (or didn’t, at least until now)? Because they were obviously unaware of the gaping chasm of inequality among states. Because they obviously never even paid attention to the freaking mainstream media for the past eight years, when state after state after state (what’s it up to now, 22 states? 26? 28?) caved in to the Radical Religious Right’s campaign of hate against us and banned marriage equality based on whether both partners had the same genitalia.

How can you even be gay without knowing this stuff?

In-your-face radio host Karel (with whom I agree about 50% of the time — but when I do agree with him, I agree 100%) summed it up best in his post-2004 election broadcast, when he slapped the entire gay “community” upside its collective head for letting our nonexistent rights slip away, because too many of us just don’t damn care:

Yesterday — November 2, 2004 — 11 states, almost one fifth of the electorate, voted on state constitutional amendments to ban same-sex marriage. All received overwhelming approval. …

As I read the optimistic outlook of it all by Evan Woflson, executive director of Freedom to Marry posted on this Web site, I have to say, Are you serious? You sound like a gay party doll as much as Ann Coulter is a Republican party doll. Victory trumps loss, lose it forward, bring about generational change… Oh, it all sounds good on paper, but the fact is, we’re big losers, and [Matt] Foreman was right: Our side does not have the time, the resources, or the infrastructure to beat back the zealots.

And why don’t we? Because not enough of us care about it, because not enough of us want it, that’s why. Don’t give me all this disempowered, disenfranchised, battered, low-self-esteem don’t-blame-us psychobabble. If we all wanted same-sex marriage or federally recognized civil unions, we’d have them. Because trust me, as a collective, we’ve got nothing but time and more resources at our disposal than our nongay counterparts, and if we connected ourselves to something more than online meeting places, we’d have quite an infrastructure.

But we simply don’t want it. …

Most of you don’t even know what states voted yesterday to outlaw marriage equality (they were Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Montana, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, and Utah) but can tell me when the next circuit party, fund-raiser, or group meeting is, or what’s in the deleted scene from Collin Farrell’s new bioflick, Alexander. Many of you may not even know what your workplace’s or state’s stance on domestic partnership is, what benefits may or may not be granted to you or your partner. Many more couples haven’t even filled out the agreements. Not surprising, since 50% of you don’t have wills and 100% of you are going to die.

I’m just as guilty. It took Andrew and me 10 years to fill ours out. Who knew he’d die a little over a year later — 10th anniversary present and all.

Yeah, I know: Not everybody can be clued in, up to the minute, on every twist and turn in the fight for LGBT equality — but you’d think two responsible, middle-aged gay men whose very survival depends on legal recognition of their relationship (Ryan, you’ll see if you read the article, was covered under Martinelli’s insurance “for medication to treat his depression, anxiety and the childhood asthma that resurfaced from severe smoke inhalation” in the 9/11 attacks) would have at least enough motivation to find out how the wave of anti-gay legislation in this puritan country affects them.

What is it going to take to force all LGBT Americans to start caring about their rights — before they find themselves utterly and totally screwed by their own ignorance?

Posted by: Sapphocrat

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