October 24, 2007

So, “The Facts of Life” Boasts TWO Bigots Among Its Alumnae?

Everybody who’s done anything anti-gay, wear red!

We think it’s common knowledge that Lisa Whelchel, “Blair” from “The Facts of Life,” is a fanatical born-again — the type who hears voices (or, at least, the Voice-O’-God, personally… we wonder if she’s seen any 900-foot-tall Jesuses lately?), and no friend to queers.

For instance, last year, she appeared on Sirius Radio’s OutQ, and freaked out mid-interview when she finally realized it was a — gasp! — gay channel! And she’s a big fan of “American Idol” finalist (who in turn is a big fan of “ex-gay” activist and writer Beth Moore) Mandisa… among other horrors.

Oh, we’re sure she tries to pray our gay away — in her advice column for “Today’s Christian Woman,” when consulted by a parent whose son showed no interest in girls (”With all the publicity about homosexuality today, we can’t help but worry our son could be gay” — yep, it’s all that darned publicity about homosexuality that’s turning Little Johnny queer!), Whelchel responded:

Two common threads exist among those who struggle with homosexual tendencies. First, does your son exhibit any signs of childhood molestation or incest? If you suspect this is the case, seek help from a local Christian counselor.

Then look at the father/son (and for girls, the mother/daughter) relationship. Does your son feel accepted by his father? Is your husband a jock who rejects or even ridicules your son’s interest in the arts? Perhaps your son’s father isn’t even in the picture, either by divorce, absence, death, or passivity.

The father holds the key to affirming a boy’s manhood. Without that blessing, a gaping hole is left in a young man’s life. Fortunately, a healing substitute often can be found in a strong father figure. If not, some young men attempt to “cannibalize” other men through homosexual actions to fill that void.

I know from personal friendships it’s possible for someone who struggles with homosexual temptation or who has embraced that lifestyle to find freedom and strength to change. The answer is first found in receiving redemption through Jesus Christ. From there I recommend logging onto www.exodus-international.org or www.lovewonout.com for further information and direction.

For oodles more, you can read Whelchel’s delusional ramblings on the train wreck that is her blog, learn how she fell in love with Jesus at age ten, pick up nifty tips about homeschooling, and much more, at www.lisawhelchel.com.

Yes, that’s really her, all airbrushed and anorexic-looking. (Oh, she’s not anorexic — it’s just that God personally told her to fast, which wasn’t much fun, but she sure did like losing a few pounds in the process! No, really — she actually says so.)

But instead of polluting your mind at the source, we suggest you read this blog entry from Diner Girl, which creams some of Whelchel’s freakiest posts, with commentary; it’s far less likely to have you running for the nearest bottle of Pepto Bismol:

I bet Charlotte Rae hates her

. . .

Here’s some iPod publicity Apple is probably queasy about:

By the time I finished I was eager to hop on the computer and get working. But I felt the Lord say that He wanted to spend a bit more time with me. So, this time, I grabbed my iPod and headed into my walk-in closet to worship Him without embarrassing everyone in the house. I sat on the floor to sing, only to discover that my iPod was dead. Instead, I sat in silence. After a while I realized that a worship chorus was playing in my head. I tuned in to recognize the song but I couldn’t remember what the name of it was. I knew this was a song that my Spirit was singing to the Holy Spirit and I was so frustrated because I couldn’t remember the lyrics. I looked down beside me and found a stack of papers that I had brought into my closet a while back. I thought, “No way. Are the lyrics to this particular song on one of these papers?” I leafed through the papers and guess what? On the last page was the song I was singing. I immediately fell down on my face and wept. More than anything, what I needed today was to know that the Lord was near. It wouldn’t even have mattered what the lyrics were to that song. The miracle for me was the intimate touch of the Lord.

Yes, the Lord touched you intimately. Or maybe it was the psychosis.

So, why are we picking on a has-been teen idol who’s descended to the absolute nadir of religious delusion? Just to make the point that Lisa Whelchel is the sort of “Christian” you probably wouldn’t want in your home — and the sort who really wouldn’t want you in her home — and to explain the title of this post.

In digging up some old articles on Donnie McClurkin, we found this little item from July, 2007:

Kim Fields aka “Tootie” from the Facts of Life, has just married her longtime boyfriend and the father of her child - Broadway dancer/actor Christopher Morgan. The wedding was officiated by former gospel singer Donnie McClurkin. Pastor McClurkin’s ministry specializes in counseling men that homosexuality can be “overcome” through Bible study and intense prayer.

So, Tootie is an anti-gay religious zealot too? Sounds like it… but even if she’s not a homophobe, having Pastor Donnie officiate is an implied endorsement of McClurkin’s rabidly anti-gay views — yep, just as it is with having Donnie headline for a Barack Obama fundraiser.

What sounds even more interesting is the persistent rumor that Fields’ new hubby is gay. But we’re not going there. If it’s true, that’s her problem. What bugs us is that Tootie (who, by the way, popped out her and Morgan’s kid a couple of months before the wedding — but we’re guessing she’s been forgiven) had her marriage “blessed” by creepy little ‘phobe McClurkin.

So, “The Facts of Life” boasts two bigots among its alumnae. Or at least one frothing homophobe, and one whose judgment in the company she keeps is just as ill-conceived as Barack Obama’s — and for the same reason.

Let’s just hope Nancy McKeon (who is neither gay, nor nuts, or so we’re told by folks in The Biz) and Mindy Cohn never go over the edge — or we’ll never be able to watch another “Lifetime” made-for-TV movie again.

Posted by: Sapphocrat