July 17, 2007

Do They Have Any Jonathan-on-David-Action Figures?

I’m not Charlton Heston!
Shannen Doherty as a virgin?
Sorry, dude — we’re Democrats!
I’m not really a Transformer!
Unlike that other David, my head is much bigger than my… hands!

This is so… what? predictable? weird? whatever… It’s just so, we couldn’t make it up.

Chicago’s Daily Herald reports:

Wal-Mart to test Bible action figures in 425 U.S. stores

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - Wal-Mart said Tuesday it will test sales in some stores of biblical action figures whose makers say they are aimed at Christian parents who prefer their children play with Samson, David or Noah rather than with a comic book character or Bratz doll.

Wal-Mart Stores Inc. spokeswoman Melissa O’Brien said the toys made by One2believe, a Valencia, California, company, will be offered in 425 of Wal-Mart’s 3,376 discount stores and Supercenters in the United States.

One2believe Chief Executive David Socha said his products were part of a “battle for the toy box” with dolls and figures that he said carry negative messages.

“If you’re very religious, it’s a battle for your children’s minds and what they’re playing with and pretending. There are remakes out there of Satan and evil things,” Socha said.

. . .

The toys, based on biblical stories, include a 3-inch (7.5-centimeter) figure of Daniel in the lion’s den, a 12-inch (30-centimeter) talking Jesus doll and 13-inch (33-centimeter) Samson action figure. …

As… uh, amusing as these “Bible action figures” are, we were hoping they’d beat — for pure creepiness — the world-famous Jesus Sports Figures over at CatholicShopper.com. But they don’t; nothing gives us the willies like the psycho-eyed Jesus Sports Figures… except for those scary “modesty wear” sites, whose offerings make Laura Ingalls’ wardrobe look like hand-me-downs from a two-dollar hooker (and where, no doubt, the Duggar family must shop).

(Go ahead and click the CatholicShopper.com link — you know you want to!)

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Posted by: Sapphocrat